More Than Words
by Meimei Li
Summary: Emeri leaves a war just in time to wake up in another. Surrounded by strangers she's not even sure are real, she wonders what her purpose is while knowing intimately the fate of everyone else. Another one of those self-inserts...brace yourself.
1. Chapter 2

AN: I feel like it's a bit slow, but I'm also afraid that I might accident rush the story. Oh well. Tell me what you guys think...

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Chapter Two: Real Words

 _As much as I hated running, I was grateful for it. The sharp pain bolting up my shins and lack of oxygen burning my throat meant a second chance. It meant that it wasn't over, that I could do more to save someone whether they were my teammate or an innocent. Running also meant options were limited, it indicated a time of desperation. In war those times came often. Each time you're never really prepared to make that last desperate choice. I was well aware that this was a nightmare, but I still ran anyway. It was not real, but it use to be real. The child's body was limp and cold against my arms, and in my mind I was screaming over and over again that he was dead. There was no point in running, no point in holding onto to him. Back when this was real and not a terror filled dream I hadn't known. Hadn't known he had been dead from the moment I picked him up._

 ** _"_** ** _So desperate to save him, to save anything in that wasteful war. There had to be a purpose for all the death and loss, and in the end I died for nothing."_**

 _A voice that wasn't mine echoed through my dream. Suddenly there was no boy, no bullets, no tears down my face. It was just me standing in front a man with a wide brimmed hat and blond hair that covered his eyes. Who was he? He says nothing for what feels like hours. Maybe it had been hours, but nothing was ever sure in here. That's why I didn't ask who he was for whatever answer he gave I was sure it would be cryptic and vague. All I wanted to do was wake up._

 _"_ _You are tangled in your hurt. You already realize this, but you keep yourself bound to pain. Why?" The man – maybe boy – talks with sympathy with no judgement and no pity and I'm unable to feel angry or irritated._

 _"_ _I'm sure you know the answer already. You are what I created in my mind, in my dream." It was rude to say so dismissively even if this was just a twisted imagination of my subconscious._

 _"_ _Yes and no. We are in your dream, but not a dream. The fade takes the same shapes as those in your mind, but I am not in your mind. You are here, but somewhere else."_

 _Yes cryptic like I thought he would be. "That makes no sense – wait. What do mean by the fade?"_

 ** _"_** ** _Here is not real, but everything is real. You think you are dead, but you are only dead there. You live. You are real."_**

There was no dramatic transition back to the waking world. No sweat or abrupt sit up instead my eyes opened cautiously, afraid if I woke up too fast that I would forget my dream. Did dead people dream? Was that a dream within a dream? I sat there calmly going my thoughts, double checking my memory to make sure that I heard what he said correctly. The man in the hat, he looked so familiar but I couldn't place it. And when he mentioned the "Fade" I knew exactly what he was talking about. A spirit world.

There was soft knock on the door and Flissa skipped inside, placing a tray of food and water on my lap. It dawned upon me that she also seemed familiar, her face and her name making the back of my mind itch. "I was going to wake you earlier but after that ordeal yesterday I'm sure you needed the extra." She smiled widely and momentarily her cheerful energy distracted me. "Come now, finish your breakfast and wash your face. We leave in a couple hours!"

By the time I finished my meal, Flissa had already floated out the room saying something about getting the cart ready. I noticed a bowl of water and a towel in front of a mirror that hadn't been there yesterday. Approaching hesitantly, nervous at seeing myself for the first time since discovering the elf ears, I stepped in front of my reflection. On the count of three I peeked into the mirror and jumped back in surprise. The color of my hair, originally black, had changed to light grey almost like a mixture of ash and silver. Icy light azure eyes that use to be dark brown looked back at from the mirror and seemed even bright against the contrast of tan skin. Waving back at my reflection I tried to confirm that it really was me. Surprisingly the thing that had shocked me the worst was not the sudden color changes or even the ears, but the lack of battle my face and skin bore. It had been years since I last saw myself not covered in scars of all sizes and caked with dirt, years since I looked…rested.

The door opened and I swiftly turned around, my body tensing in the anticipation of danger. "I'm about ready if…" The smile that drops from her face reminds me that there is no fight coming and I immediately regret ruining her mood.

"Hsarry." _Sorry._ I offer an apologetic smile and fold my shaking hands behind my back.

Flissa regains her composure and approaches me gently, speaking in a softer voice probably afraid to spook me again. "Sorry about that, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you ready to leave for Haven?"

Flissa filled most of the trip with excited chatter about anything and everything. The bubbly red-head had been travelling on her way to Haven and stopped in the little no name village she found me in to refill on supplies. She boasted about managing a small inn in the capital of Ferelden, Denerim. A woman she occasionally helped out had offered her a chance to have her own Tavern. The woman was Leliana…of the Inquisition. At the mention of the word, my memory came slamming back at me. Flissa continued to go on, but it became nothing but a buzz to me as I tried to sort out my new revelation.

Everything was sounding exactly like a game I use to obsess over during my youth, learning all the little details and the stories of the characters. It didn't make sense that the afterlife would be in a form of video game unless it was connected to my desire to escape somewhere magical and beautiful. Maybe fate choose this place because it was familiar, so it can ease me with kinder memories of my past. There was the possibility I wasn't dead and this was just another dream while I was still laying on the ground bleeding. There could also be the chance of insanity, that I never really died and finally gone insane from the stress and loneliness of war. I tried to remember what that guy in the hat had told me. No, what COLE had told me. He said, _"Here is not real, but everything is real. You think you are dead, but you are only dead there. You live. You are real."_

"Here is not real," I mumbled out loud forgetting every word was just a jumble of sounds to someone else's ears. "…but everything is real…you live. You are real." He said this is real. Is that even possible?

"I don't understand what you're saying, but you seem upset. Is there something wrong?" She frowned in concerned and I shook my head. The rest of the ride was quiet after that partly because there was nothing I wanted to say, nothing I could say really. As for woman across from me, it was obvious she was starting to feel awkward having a one sided conversation, similar to talking to a pet for hours with it only tilted its head and wagging its tail in response.

On the night of our third day, only one day away from Haven, bandits raided our campsite. The sound of soft distant footstep had me awake and grasping for a weapon within seconds. Unfortunately we had no decent weapons, but I made due with a rock twice the size of my hand. I managed to dodge several arrows, knock him out and steal a sword from a second opponent by the time Flissa and our wagon driver came out their tents. They screamed and scrambled to get away, but five more emerged from the shadows.

Steadying my breathing, I assessed the situation in my head. There were five able opponents, another two that were unconscious and injured. Most had swords and axes so we were safe from a long range attack unless they had a mage with them, though it seemed unlikely. Our route of escape was narrowing down by the minute as they circle us. Faking a show of defense I raise my arm high enough to block the view of mouth and lean over to whisper to Flissa behind me. "Listen carefully, we don't have much time. I need your utmost trust. The wagon is about ten feet away from the men to my right. I need you two to run as fast you can to it and take off. Do. Not. Look. Back." She looks wide eyed at me as if to say _'What about them? What about you?'_ "Trust me."

Time was up and I exploded into action, putting all my energy in disposing the two men closest to the wagon while two sprinted through. The steel sword felt heavy and unbalanced, and my fingers itched for a gun but I adjusted quickly enough as it sliced into the bandits. To my relief, I heard the sound of the wagon growing fainter. The rhythm of battle was familiar, easy to fall back into and I danced circles around them, dodging smoothly and hitting pressure points through exposed openings of their armor. One man charged with a heavy battle axe and I used his weight against him, kicked out one of his knees and sliced his head off. Two immediate threats left.

"Very impressive elf," I tensed as a tall, regal looking man stepped into view. By the looks of the bandit's faces they had no clue who he was either. He slow clapped making the sleeves of the fine robe slip and expose strange marking on his wrists. "You just took out five armed men with nothing but a rock and a sword. And if I were to make an obvious guess, this was your first time ever to pick one up and yet you came out unscathed."

"Who the hell are you?" One of them spits out. The mysterious man doesn't even blink as he calmly rolls his hands palm up and sets them aflame. I barely registered their screams before a white light blinded me. Right as my body collapsed from a sudden feel of exhaustion and pain, I feel thumb caress my cheek and him whisper, "You'll be an excellent addition to my collection."


	2. Chapter 1

Hey! So officially my first story let's hope it turns out okay. I wrote this more for myself than anything since I'm a big fan of self-inserts and what not. Feel free to comment if there's something I could do better. Anyways enjoy!

\- MLi

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Chapter 1: Somewhere Far Away

No one wins in war. No one except for the bigwigs who wanted the war in the first place. The ones who weren't on the ground in the searing heat and agony of battle. The ones who didn't have to press their shaking hands down on the flooding wound of their comrade and friend, whispering desperately over and over again that it was going to be okay. They didn't have to look into those empty eyes that once had a twinkle of mischief and warmth of humor. Of course they didn't. The presidents, dictators and other so called "leaders" were safely tucked away in some sort of fortified fortress with their families. Families they gladly kept alive while ours burned in the flames of their greed and selfishness. Once upon a time I was eager to fight for them, to fight for my "country and freedom." Once upon a time I didn't question orders and truly believe that what we were doing was protecting the people. Once upon a fucking time I thought this war could be won. No, no one will win this war except for the people standing above our ashes.

Most times when my thoughts and memories laid a heavy weight in the back my head, I would pick the most insignificant thing around and focus on it until my mind numbed. Sometimes it would be the cracks on worn walls. I would stare so intensely that I could almost see patterns and images from the random assortment of lines. Other times it would be dirt dried on my skin, pebbles disturbed along the road and even holes burned through fabric. Lately my new focus was dust, not the ones already settled and collecting on the surface of everything but the ones still floating about with no real destination.

Laying on the ground, my blood pooled around my waist as I released the pressure on the wound. It wouldn't be long now. It was getting dark, but I could still see the swirls of dust dance in the remaining blades of sunlight passing through the buildings. I pretended they were like fairy dust and if I closed my eyes right before they faded when the light dimmed that they would grant my wish. My wish of going somewhere far away from here, somewhere beautiful and full of life. Sadly when I opened my eyes there was nothing but darkness. I stared and waited for my eyes to adjust. Minutes passed and nothing.

 _Wait. Where was the blood?_

I blinked hard several times over but there was still pure black in front of me.

 _Was this death?_

I didn't know what I expected in the afterlife. I didn't follow any specific religion, just knew that there was something out there and if there was a form of hell it was probably where I would end up. Not that I thought I was particularly an evil person, but I wasn't a saint either. My hands were too bloody. Or so I thought but now it seems like I actually ended up in the better half of the afterlife.

When I had "woken up," the first thing I noticed was the smell. It was crisp and fresh, untainted from the odor of gunpowder, fire and blood. There were rolling hills of bright grass with towering trees and a blue – not grey like the one I've seen for the past seven years – sky stretched over the beautiful scenery. And the flowers! I haven't seen flowers in forever. I almost sobbed as I picked one up to my face, its petals tickling the tip of my nose. It so much more colorful and softer than I remembered. A breeze brushed pass me that suddenly made me realize I was completely naked. Like some kind of maniac I doubled over in unrestrained laughter for a solid amount of time, clutching my stomach and rolling around on the ground. By the time I was finished my sides were sore and my eyes blurry with tears.

Smiling to no one in particular I made my way to a dense area of trees to start exploring my new home. It seemed like hours of walking and occasional stumbling before I heard voices of other people. It didn't occur to me there would be people here too. Were they also dead or just extras created by my imagination? I felt a little guilty for thinking about latter. This isn't _my_ world to have all to myself, other souls need a resting place too. Or something.

I got closer to the voices where the line of trees ended and found myself at the edge of a village of some sort. There were wooden houses randomly spaced from each other, people dressed in very old fashioned clothing, and half stone wall along the side of what seemed to be a road. It felt very much like I had travelled back in time. Maybe they didn't like technology in the afterlife or time flowed slower here. Storing the theories for later, I walked over to a woman with short red hair nearby. She was bent over trying to pick up something she dropped.

"Suse etme?" We both were jumped in surprised, her at my sudden appearance and me at whatever I said. She looked at me slightly scared with her eyes opening as wide as they can go and her mouth agape.

"Somme fore syting zu." Which meant 'sorry for scaring you' in my head, but all I could hear myself say was gibberish. Licking my lips before taking a deep breath, I tried again. "Uhti lak beldrik?"

What the hell! Why can't I speak correctly? Is this the language of this place? I huffed out a breath of frustration and was about to try again when she interrupted. "I'm sorry I don't understand what you're saying. Do you need help? Where are your clothes?"

Well I guess this ISN'T their language. "Judth urahtg sojjeh fji heuf jaii iefh nekjjw." That is definitely not how you say 'I don't really know what's going on.' I sighed as the look of confusion remained on her face. Giving up on trying to figure out how to speak I nodded and offered a closed-lip smile. She whipped her head sharply to the side at someone yelling, probably calling her. The woman then hurriedly ushered me to a house, made a gesture for me to stay and rushed into a different room. It was most likely too late, but I abruptly became self-conscious about my nakedness. Everyone in the village was clothed and this person seemed concerned about my state so it was safe to assume that nudity was certainly not a common thing to do. Here I was walking around with my bits showing and talking to strangers.

She returned with an armful of clothes and a pair of worn out boots which I hurriedly put on. It wasn't in the best condition but the faded blue dress fit decently enough. Afterwards I bowed and gave her what I hope was grateful smile which to my relief she returned.

"I'm sorry I don't have something better to give. Those were mine before I grew out of them a couple years ago." She had an accent to her voice that I couldn't place, but it sounded pleasantly familiar. I shook my head and waved my hand dismissively. These were more than I could ask for since I was the one who troubled her. "Can you speak any of the common tongue?"

Frowning in thought, I wanted to try to speak again but it was almost a guarantee that it would be the same results as earlier. I couldn't speak properly, but I could at least understand. Why would I be in an afterlife where I couldn't communicate to the others? Was this a punishment?

She took my silence as a yes and tried a different question. "Um, you answered that so I think you can understand it even if just a little. Do you speak Elvish?"

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Why would she think I spoke that? Elves aren't – subconsciously I reach up to ears, following the out shell to the pointed end. What! The woman was completely lost at the fact that I just discovered my ears.

"Did you forget you were an elf or something?" She joked and I nodded. "What? You really did forget?"

Shrugging I continued to play with my ears and started looking around for a mirror. Why was I an elf? To honest, if was going to turn into some kind of fantasy creature Elf would have been one of my top picks.

I heard her mumble something about memory lost and focused my attention back to her. "Do you have name?"

"Emyll." I shook my head. I couldn't even say my name! With much effort and concentration I attempted the sounds one by one.

"Emeri?" She laughs when I clap my hands excitedly over the achievement of saying my own name. "Well nice to meet you. I'm Flissa. If don't have any place to go, would you like to come to Haven with me?"

Haven? Where have I heard that name before?


End file.
